come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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