Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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