So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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