I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
