Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
