He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
