He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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