I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
