youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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