Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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