fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
