Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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