How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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