Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
