Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
