I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize