Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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