Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
