you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
