I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
