that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
