Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
