I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
