God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
