I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
