apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
