so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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