U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize