You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
