took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
