he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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