Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
