I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
