It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
