I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sex in a hospital.. check
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
