I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
