Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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