your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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