what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
