if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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