Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
