I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
