i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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