Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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