I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
