i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
