'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
