So drunk its hurt
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize