I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
