i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
