I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
