Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
