I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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