Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
