Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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