I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
