Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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