coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
