everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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