So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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