Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
