I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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